If I had to prioritize the massive jumble of thoughts in my head I'd probably start with the most recent subject; self-destruction. Not exactly the light and fluffy of my normal blog posts, but the truth of the matter is that the increase in self inflicted-injuries/suicides has grown greatly over the years. I cannot say there weren't times in my life when I had hit some pretty down and dirty lows and destructive thoughts flitted through my head.
I'm 33 years old and have been through quite a bit of crap over my short time on this planet we call earth. I came from a broken home, was a teenage mom, juggled work, school and kids for years, have been through divorce, lost a child, reinvented myself more times than I care to admit, been fired, homeless and heartbroken, just to name a few things. I've heard stories of people who've done themselves harm (temporary and fatally) for a lot less than what I've been through and it really just blows my mind every time.
Here's a graph from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) that shows how the rate of suicide has fluctuated over the last 20 years. It's pretty scary....
At the rate things are going, the trend doesn't show signs of slowing down. Even within my own family there have been situations surrounding this topic. We've been fortunate enough not to have to lose someone in this fashion, but there are so many other self-destructive behaviors that have been chosen as a substitute for death. Cutting, alcohol and drug abuse, intentional suffocation, risky lifestyles...and sadly the list goes on.
So often, those in pain are very good at hiding their hurt until it becomes too much to maintain on their own and of course, asking for help means admitting there is a problem in the first place. Whether it's embarrassment, fear of hurting others or disappointing our loved ones that keeps us as humans holding in the anguish., it's like we fill up a 2 liter of self-hatred and then give it a good hard shake until it bursts!
I will say that I was very fortunate to have 3 very solid reasons for letting those scary thoughts go in one ear and right out the other. My children. Without them I don't know what my life would be like and I can't imagine leaving them in this cruel world alone. It is their unconditional love and innocence that made me see NOTHING is so bad that I can't find a way through, over, under or around it. For those that know my past struggles and have been there for me, I say thank you from the sub-basement of my heart. Everything you've done for me gave me a fighting chance to survive the crappy dealings this life can dish out.
You've also given me the chance to be there for others who are looking for a way out. For without your own kind-heartedness and genuine love I would not have been able to help other dear friends of mine. I feel as though I had to be around in order to give back what was once given to me and now more than ever, I feel like I can do that. Having been through my own personal dramas I can provide not just a shoulder to cry on but a survivor's perspective.
To those who let those thoughts linger longer than a moment, take a look around at those who would be lost without you. You may not see them right away, but there IS someone who needs you more than anything else in this world. Sometimes we just can't see them. Hell, I would reach out to a total stranger to help talk them off the ledge. Life is too precious to let it slip away from you. Find peace in the simple things of life. A sunny day, a chirping bird, the laughter of a child, the tender embrace of a parent....there is good if you allow it into your world.
I know there are situations where suicidal thoughts stem from a mental illness. I have lived with this fear for my own son for almost 6 years and he's only 10! Yet, there are things he says or does that make me pause and listen a little harder. As he struggles with a mood disorder that can drop him into a frantic rage or severe depression my heart begs all that is good to help him see that his family loves him and we would never let him go through anything alone.
As the rate of unnecessary loss of life increases, it doesn't hurt to know some of the warning signs. Maybe you too can help someone see the beauty in a life worth living.
- Observable signs of serious depression:
Unrelenting low mood
Pessimism
Hopelessness
Desperation
Anxiety, psychic pain and inner tension
Withdrawal
Sleep problems - Increased alcohol and/or other drug use
- Recent impulsiveness and taking unnecessary risks
- Threatening suicide or expressing a strong wish to die
- Making a plan:
Giving away prized possessions
Sudden or impulsive purchase of a firearm
Obtaining other means of killing oneself such as poisons or medications - Unexpected rage or anger
If you or someone you know may be showing signs of self-destructive behavior, don't wait to take a deep cleansing breath and reach for help. Check out information on how to respond to this situation at the AFSP website
To those I've been able to help over the years....thank you for blessing me by allowing me to be there for you.
References
*American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. (2013). Warning signs of suicide. Retrieved from http://www.afsp.org/index.cfm?page_id=0519EC1A-D73A-8D90-7D2E9E2456182D66
2 comments:
It is true this is a very heady subject. But it is also a timely one. I occurs to me that anyone who is growing on the inside eventually comes to a point where they need to let the old part of them self die in order to allow for the new person they are now and IS who they are now. Therefore I see this as a normal cycle of personal consciousness growth which is built repetitiously into a life for the purpose of growth. However, if someone does not know this is a natural cycle the struggle within them deepens, overshadows them and the battle rages, things compound over time.
Sadly in our western world we are not prone to give credence to this fact completely eliminating it as one of the natural cycles. Therefore, when a young child or adult must let go of that within themselves that is holding them down, back or they are in a negative space they are not even equipped with the 'idea' of letting go much less any kind of emotional, mental or physical tool to deal with it. This seems to be on the rise and hence we have shooting and such.
There is an overpowering need for wisdom and conscientious direction to be applied to just about every level of western living. Letting go of the old, embracing the new, being willing to dance on the shifting sands of one's life, country, or world seems to me to be needed as a everyday fact, teach it in grade school even as a matter of fact, this it is just the way things work.
Yes, to embrace the idea that life is set up in such a way as to always lay a path which says, choose: here take a different direction, a different tack, try the unexpected as you might actually like it after all. Knowing that a down cycle you are in now is normal and that you have the freewill to choose to let the old go and to choose a new direction, or tack or simply be okay with just discovering what is next is like handing someone the secret of the ages because if applied it can set you free.
I know this is not the typical perspective and that it is not the only thought to consider in this matter of suicide. However, I feel that it IS the underlying simplicity in the current of changes needed in our western world.
Often I have thought that people do not let go because the known, no matter how bad it is - is at least familiar. But from where I sit the familiar is no longer good enough and hasn't been for decades. In fact it is tearing the fabric of our society to bits not to mention the individual. You have followed this cycle, perhaps unknowingly.
Choosing to let go of the anger, the old stuff, the old way, anything that held you back and choosing to learn what was next, following the obvious direction that presented itself to you, listening to your heart what was important to you instead of blindly following the suicide path was what you did. Admirably I might add!
From a single stone....many ripples reach the shore.
Sorry for the late response to your comment. When you say a single stone...many ripples, you are very true. Every action has a reaction and there are almost always multiple actions to choose from. Some of those options may be blatantly bad and others can seem like the most amazing option ever, but actually be more detrimental than the obviously undesirable alternatives. I call this the easy way out.
In my experience, the easy way has been more difficult than I thought it would be. I know I've said things like "Why can't things be easy for a change?". I say this because the difficult decisions seem to keep coming no matter what we try to do to prevent them.
Sadly, I think many people become lost in the constant struggle with hard knocks and become so engrossed in their own misery they can't see the goodness right in front of their eyes, leading to a slough of other negative situations including hurting oneself.
It does build character to go through hard times. Don't get wrong, it royally sucks...but you can choose to learn from it instead of letting it control you. I've lived in my own dark places, but the light my children shine on me is the most powerful form of love and they always pull me out of the shadows. Even when they drive me crazy.
Thank you for commenting. Every perspective offers insight to those open to receive.
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