"HEY PUNK!" said the Bully...

The title sounds kind of cliche right?  I recall books and movies with a similar line scripted.  The picture a lot of people see in their minds when talk of bullying is mentioned is the bigger, older, pimple-faced kid, picking on the younger, smaller, heavier, glasses wearing, red haired or other slightly different-traited student.  Someones books hit the floor, lunch money is taken, belittling occurs and finally the recipient of all this is shoved into a locker.  It's a classic scene really.

 

While I'm sure this incident is played out in schools across the world, the path bullying has taken has crossed all kinds of lines to take on an entirely new form of torture.  I'd say that when I was in school, I didn't see a lot of bullying in the traditional sense.  There were always the one or two persons (and I won't name names), who inevitably seemed to pick on everyone.  Name calling, pranks etc... Nothing to the degree bullying has come to be seen now.

High school students are going so far as to change schools due to the rampant running of the rumor mill that only ceases only when the subject of choice has fled in tears after months or years of teasing.  My 6th grade daughter called me in the middle of the night while at a birthday sleepover in tears because several of the other girls were insulting her for not being as developed or "risque" as they were.  They're 11 years old!!!  And I know it must have been bad because she has 3 older brothers and sisters who fulfill their duties of sibling rivalry to the Nth degree.  She's tough, but not immune.  

Even in elementary schools I've witnessed children trip other students and then laugh at their victims humiliation in front of an entire cafeteria of their peers. All I can think of when I see this type of behavior is that his poor child, who finds attention through the destruction of others, must have a home life that just tears them down.  They are either witnessing or are the recipient of bullying among their own family.  To even think any parent would allow it to happen in their home among children or are the perpetrator themselves makes me sick.  

I have a child that deserves to have his butt whooped from time to time, but that doesn't mean I bully him all the time.  I feel like I'm constantly trying to build all of my children up to heights that far exceed bullying, so they don't fall victim to it. So they are not just able but willing to step up for others who can't stand up for themselves.  Both my husband and I feel this is something they'll need as adults in today's world.  

Unfortunately, NOT every home has an environment conducive to building such skills.  I'm blessed to have a husband who's ideas about responsibility, ownership, consequences and support are in line with mine, but that isn't always the case.  Many times, there are addictions or other circumstances that plague mom and/or dad, which inhibit their ability to promote a child's talents and skills.  Regardless, I firmly believe building strong children starts at home, with the example parents set.  Children don't just wake up one day and know how to be a bully.  They've seen it somewhere.

So how has bullying gone from the typical plot to the expanded platform to include sexual and cyber-bullying?  Well, let's take a look at some facts.

From the Journal of Adolescent Health,

School Bullying Among Adolescents in the United States: Physical, Verbal, Relational, and Cyber

  I found there are 4 main types of bullying:

1. Verbal - Includes name calling and teasing
2. Relational (Social) - Here's where that rumor mill comes into play.  Also includes ostracizing other kids from participating in groups or events, etc...
3. Physical - The more visible bullying like hitting, kicking, tripping, pushing and the like.
4. Cyber Bullying - This extends from texting rude, insulting or threatening messages to emails, to Instant Message Platforms and more recently social media sites like Facebook, My Space and Twitter.  Here, pictures and rumors can hit viral numbers with a click of Like button.  Obviously, the advances in technology have made this type of bullying far more available.

Reflecting upon these, I know that each one of my children has probably been exposed to or the victim of at least one type of bullying.  While I know we've dealt with cyber bullying, I'm fairly confident we've avoided sexual bullying.  I consider that level of bullying to be one of the worst because it's an extremely private topic in the first place, let alone to have someone blab untruths, share exploits or be taunted in a sexual nature.  It's already hard enough being a teenager with hormones racing!
 
So what can you do? How as parents or friends can you help those who are being bullied?  It's a huge risk stepping up for a friend who's being bullied because we may ourselves receive the wrath of the bully.  As a parent I tell my kids that   standing up for others is the right thing to do, just not to the degree of physical aggression or retaliation.  I've tried to help them learn different steps they can take such as talking privately with their friend and offering emotional support.  They can also
tell a parent, teacher or other adult they trust.   

Check out www.stopbullying.gov/index.html to learn ways to talk to your kids about bullying and how you can deal with it together.


~~~If you don't see a silver lining...make one~~~