She has grown, as have I, because we had to. Fight to survive or die...metaphorically speaking of course. I entered motherhood at a fairly young age and had to overcome obstacles more 30-somethings were dealing with. It seemed I lived in a world where respect was only gained if you were old enough, not because you had earned it. The constant pressure kept me clawing to get just one step further...one step higher...regardless of what others thought of me.
The Lioness proudly protects her family, her Pride, at all costs. I can't even begin to recall the times I felt as though I'd lost myself in order to provide for and protect my cubs. Each poacher, predator and challenge only added fuel to the fire. You know that feeling right? Thinking that absolutely NOTHING can be easy and everything has to be the hard way. Like a mama lion struggling in the dry desert of the Savannah to find food and water, it just pushed me harder. But anyone who got in my way, well, might have been collateral damage. Torn to shreds and left for dead without a second thought.
I'd like to think that while my inner beast has grown to have immeasurable strength that can be used in a moments notice, I've also trained her to leave less carnage in her wake. That doesn't mean you won't sneak a peak at her ferociousness if you cross the line and if you aren't careful, she'll remove a chunk of your hide before you realize what hit you. But she has learned to pick her battles more strategically, which is always in the best interest of everyone involved.
So you may be wondering why I've shared this with you. While I can't go into deep detail because I have to protect the identity of those involved, I will share a short story. Sadly I'm sure it's a story many people can relate to.
A man and woman share marriage vows, make a life, raise children, go through struggle, successes, lose jobs, face sick children, build resentment, lay blame, grow distrust, start hating and before you now it, years of emotional scars are marbled across them both and the children brought unwillingly into the world are caught in between. (deep inhale) Each parent believing they are the best person to raise the kids does what they feel is right. Unfortunately, both are so done with each other that it's hard for either of them to be objective when it comes to the kids.Words said in hate and spiteful whispers reach little ears...sometimes intentionally. That is where I draw the line. Anything beyond that line only challenges the powers-that-be even further to whiplash you with karma you wouldn't wish on your mortal enemy. And you don't even realize you're doing it! Whatever angst you hold for your soon to be ex, don't let it trickle down to your kids! Children love unconditionally, even when they are being used, because they don't know they're being taken advantage of. They see the world through the eyes of innocence. Why on God's green earth would any parent who actually loves their children, do ANYTHING to cause them pain (physical, emotional or otherwise).
As much as my children might drive me absolutely bonkers sometimes, I know without them, my life has no meaning. I would give up my own life for them and have and will continue to sacrifice whatever it takes for them to be safe and happy. For all that is precious in this world...I have lost a child....which is part of why it is so hard for me to understand how some people (male and female) could possibly do the things they do to their children, just to hurt their former significant other. It's disgusting behavior from someone entrusted with the love and protection of a helpless innocent soul. Unfortunately, this happens so much anymore creating a disturbing cycle that's almost impossible to break out of. That's not to say every break up ends this way, but more often than not, parents act like hurt 5 year olds and forget the part about being responsible for anyone else. If you don't know by now, I always put my family first. My family and I, while always dealing with one thing or another, are rock solid. I feel like this is where I was meant to be at this point in my life, but I wasn't always in this place. I took my turn in the disturbing scenario above. I learned the very hard way, the kind of parent NOT to be. But for all the struggle, I've learned to place my priorities in the right order and have not wavered since.
Tonight I pray for a pair of extra special kids in my life, that are to my dismay, being used as pawns in a war waged by a narrow-minded, selfish and pathetic excuse of XY genes. If I could, I would hug you both and say how very much loved and missed you are. We can't wait for you to be home where you belong. Till then, we send our guardian angels to watch over you and hope that with their aid you will find some peace until you are home.
~~CNF & CWF~~ We love and miss you!
~~~If you don't see a silver lining...make one~~~
