I know... kind of a morbid question, right? Well here's the deal, someone asked me to define my purpose in life and after much thought I finally came to the conclusion my purpose should be able to fit on my tombstone, or in my case, an urn. It's my legacy and I want it to read as a reflection of how I lived my life and how, as my loved ones live on, they'll remember me.
Now, the meaning of life has been debated for eons. Why are we on this planet? Why do things happen they way they do? Is there a divine presence that knows and controls all or are we given free-will to make our own destiny? Why do some people seem to have it so easy when others struggle beyond what seems fair?
So many questions and most often...no answers. However, somebody I respect recently asked me to define my purpose in life and my gut reaction was to turn and walk away. No really, I closed my notebook and went to get a glass of wine. How the hell are we supposed to know what we're meant to do in the short span of time we maraud this earth? If I'd have been asked me question at other various stages in life such as the trenches of motherhood, corporate minefields and adventures in entrepreneurship I'm sure I'd have given you vastly different responses. But no one really asked me, so I haven't put much thought into it.
That is, until now and I'll be honest, I kind of feel as though I've reached a stage in life (notice I said stage, not age) where experiences have enlightened me in ways I never thought existed...or at least existed for me. It's because of these scenarios I can share the following with confidence or perhaps, I just don't care what other people think anymore. (Age does have it's benefits)
Everything that happens to us on this spinning ball of dirt
gives a new and sometimes startling perception. The good stuff is great and we love to share
it with others. The bad
stuff sucks and often hurts beyond the description of words. Either way, as we often begrudgingly plod
through our days, we inevitably come across someone else who’s experienced
something similar. It's at those
times we have multiple options on actions we take towards others. I've always said, "a girl has got to have options" but I DO believe there's only a small number of productive ways to approach being confronted with someone who's living a life experience we've already been through, whether good or bad.
Hang with me here and I'll connect the ......'s
For example: Someone you know achieves a similar level of success or possibly surpasses yours
You can brag about our own victories or whine about the raw hand
we were dealt that kept you from the big rewards. These may be knee jerk reactions to feeling slighted or left behind but we do have another
set of option to choose from. This response occurs when we forget to turn our filter on or let our mouth open before thought kicks in.
When
someone else achieves similar success or even greater success for that matter,
we can shine the spotlight on them and give a cheer! HOORAY! Or if someone is looking to you for guidance
because of YOUR success you can reach back and support them in their efforts to
do the same.
But what about when someone
is experiencing hurt, loss, anger, pain, suffering, anxiety or a fear you’ve
already had to deal with? It could be very easy to commiserate with them, which helps no one, or possibly even shy away to protect ourselves from reliving it, leaving them alone with that's the furthest thing from what they need.
On the other hand, you can empathize with their feelings and recognize the situation as one you're intimately familiar with. Reach out and offer a shoulder, a meal, a hug, an ear, a chance for them to
know that this too shall pass and they’ll be ok when they come through the other side.
I've said on many occasions, "God must think I'm a Badass!" I've been through a lot of stuff in my 39 years such as...
- Divorced Parents
- Teenage Pregnancy
- Marriage (2x's)
- Divorce
- Single Parenthood
- Cancer scare
- Stillborn birth
- An abusive relationship
- Heartbreak
- Bankruptcy
- A special needs child
- Layoffs (2x's)
- Caring for a elderly parent
- Burying that parent (it's been 4yrs as of today 5/9/18, RIP Daddy)
But wait?! All of that is hard shit! Where's all the good stuff?!!
- Graduated from High school (albeit pregnant)
- Went to College and graduated (after 15 years and $80K)
- Successfully removed myself from an abusive relationship
- Given birth to 4 beautiful children (living or not)
- Found and married the 💖 of my life
- Have managed to successfully raise a blended family (although it wasn't always pretty)
- Received multiple promotions in various jobs
- Did so well in a Direct Sales Business I was able to leave my day job and work for ME!
- Recovered financially
- I've even done the adult thing and gotten Life Insurance!
- and so many more things too numerous to list...
So, I feel as though my purpose in life, with all the ups and
downs I’ve lived through, is to be a sounding board and safe place for others who are coming into a space I've already been. Whether to offer counsel,
concern, love, joy, compassion, a guideline or knowledge in the manner it needs to be heard and more importantly, when it needs to be heard. My amazing Mama has always called me very intuitive and able to see most situations relatively clearly from all sides. Looking back now I can see where I've been able to help others in similar situations cope, process, accept and take action and by golly, I LOVE TO DO THAT! To give someone the tools they need to get through whatever it is they've got going on, good or bad, means I can make a difference in this world...even if it's just one person at a time. That to me is worth so much more than the paycheck I might make or how many times I walk a stage.
That brings me back to what my tombstone should read. Well, I don't want to tempt fate (she's a fickle bitch) but I hope the gist is that my heart (and purpose) was filled with love through the privilege of serving others in a capacity most needed with the only expectation being others pay it forward the same way. Someone more creative than I can figure out how to make that fit I'm sure ;)
~~~If you don't see a silver lining...make one~~~
